Necesito practicar mi español así que estoy escribiendo esta entrada en español jaja algunos de ustedes no serán capaces de entender lo que estoy diciendo. Es difícil porque no sé qué decir. Estoy en mi trabajo ahora pero ya terminé mi trabajo y mi jefa está enferma. Quizás puedo dejar temprano. Tendré mi almuerzo gratis primero. Ayer conseguí mi tatuaje retocado y un nuevo tatuaje. Finalmente, conseguí mi "God loves ugly" tatuaje, he estado esperando por mucho tiempo. Tomé una foto pero es de mala calidad así que voy a publicar una foto cuando tomo una foto mejor. Si alguien habla español, déjeme por favor saber si esto es correcto. Probablemente es terrible. Estoy apredendo jaja.
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Finally got through my first 5 day work week and didn't die! I went out last night with a few friends to Bairro Alto which is a neighborhood down the street with a ton of bars. I ran into my friend that works at the hostel I stayed in last time I was here and she got my friend and I a free shot then gave us the mark for discounts on shots and beers. 50 cent shots and 1 euro beers. We met some British guys and ending up staying with them the whole night. We went to a club, but only me and one of the British guys got in so the others left. I had my first gin and tonic and man, did it get me wasted. Got home super late and woke up super early. But, we went to the beach today! It was very, very beautiful. I used my GoPro underwater for the first time ever today!!! I will post the video to my youtube in a few days, I might edit it a bit. Portugal just won their soccer game and now I'm going to smoke a joint with some friends then go out. Here are some photos in the meantime.
I made my flickr and uploaded my pictures on it!! You can click the two little dots up at the top of this page and it will take you to it. Also here's some pictures (of me) from my weekend that I didn't put on my flickr! I was really happy on my birthday, if you couldn't tell.
I need some god damn romance in my life, man. I'm so tired of guys just wanting to have sex, it seems like that is all they want now-a-days. Chivalry is dead or at least it seems. Where are the guys that take you out to a park and just sit with you and listen? Why is it all about making out and sex now? Maybe I don't want that, maybe I just want to be held or listened to. I want to go to a museum and look at art with someone and nothing more. I don't want someone to take me out on a typical date, I can buy myself food, I can buy myself a drink, I don't need anyone to do that for me. I just want to connect with someone emotionally, not sexually. I want someone to listen to me and tell me stories about their life. I want them to hold my hand and hug me, not stick their tongue down my throat at the end of the date. There is such thing as not kissing on the first date. I want to be surprised. I want someone to let me read my writing to them and for them to actually fucking listen. I don't know, I'm just lonely and I miss being told cute things. I want someone to look at me the way I deserved to be looked at, like art, not an object. I am not beautiful, I am a piece of art and art isn't meant to be beautiful, it's meant to make you feel something. All the good guys are taken or too shy to talk to me. I need to go sleep and get over myself. :/
I just need to rant a little bit. I’m like really stressed out / scared / nervous / worried about how terrible it’s going to be when I finally get back to America. My world is going to be completely flipped upside down. I am going to experience the worst culture shock ever and probably just go into a deep depression because I’m back in America. I love California a lot, of course, but Europe is just so much more amazing. I’m already nervous about leaving Lisbon / Portugal because I’m in love with this place and I’ve made friends here and I know my way around and ugh it’s just going to be so hard to leave and start over in some place new again. I love how cheap everything is here and how patriotic the people are and how welcoming and nice they are to me. I have a feeling that the city in Spain where I’ll be studying is very similar, but I just know it won’t be the same. Lisbon feels like home. I’m being dramatic, Murcia could end up feeling like home too lol. I am going to be there for much longer and I’ll actually be able to speak with the people there instead of being confused by Portuguese all the time. I won’t want to leave just like I don’t want to leave Portugal. It’s so difficult finding friends and starting over. I just had to do that and now in 2 months, I have to do it all over again like shiiiit. The worst part is leaving, you make all these friends and then after however many months, you just leave. Like yeah you stay in touch, but it’s just not the same because you don’t get to see them every day and stuff. I’m going to fly back to America and be so lost. Everyone will be able to understand me again and I won’t have to speak in Spanish. And the worst part is everything is going to be so expensive. Actually, the worst part is that when I arrive, I will not have a home to go to. All of my things are packed in my car right now in Orange County. I won’t be able to just go home and sleep my jet lag off for a couple of days. I’ll have to find somewhere to live with some random people and move in as soon as possible because school will have already started. The only positive thing about going back is that I will be reunited with my baby dog. But it will be even harder to find a place to live because most people don’t allow dogs to live in their rentals or most people don’t want a big, hairy dog running around their house. And the fact that I will be living with complete strangers stresses me out so much. I hate having roommates, especially ones I don’t know. Maybe I’ll just try to find a place where I can live alone or with like one other person that is barely there. I’ll probably just sleep in my car or camp in a tent with Zoey somewhere for the first few days. I guess I can always crash with my friends for a couple of days until I get my shit figured out, but then I’ll have to move during the school week and continue living out of a suitcase which is extremely annoying. I wish I could just ship Zoey to Europe and stay in Spain or Portugal forever. I’m not even close to having to worry about this stuff yet, but of course I am lol. Anyway, that’s the end of my rant. Thank you to those of you who actually read this.
Ok, I lied and broke my promise. I had a busy day on Thursday and never got the chance to update. I don't even know where to begin. So much has happened!! Work is draining my soul, for sure. I had the most amazing birthday weekend though. We flew to an island in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean called Açores on Friday morning. It was about a 2 hour flight and we were greeted with a delicious home cooked meal at the hostel we were staying at. It was a brand new hostel that was absolutely beautiful with a big backyard and patio area. I got lucky and only had to share my room with 2 other girls. The only downside was the lack of bathrooms and the shitty wifi, but we made it work. After lunch we sat around in the backyard listening to a guy play the hang drum, drinking beers, smoking cigarettes, and eating yummy pastries. Our Professor had a scavenger hunt for us that was just a bunch of questions about the history of the island. So, my 3 friends and I roamed around the island looking for the answers and taking pictures. We actually ended up winning (ok we tied with another group), but he gave us a bunch of snacks from the island except I'm not sure where any of them went... We all had dinner together (all like 30 of us), but I had a terrible headache all day so I wasn't able to enjoy it plus there was no pasta, just meat and fish like always. I got an omelet lol and it wasn't that good, actually maybe it was, but I barely ate it because my head was hurting so damn bad. Also, may I mention that we were supposed to be seated for dinner at 8, but the place they had planned to go to was closed.... so we walked somewhere else then didn't end up eating there so we had to walk somewhere else (all while I had to pee real bad and had a headache). It was probably about 8:45 before we finally sat down, but we had the whole place to ourselves and they got us bottles of wine. It took an hour and a half for us to get our food and by the time we finished it was almost 11. My head was still hurting an unbearable amount, so I went back to the hostel and decided to just go to sleep because I needed to rest for the next night. We woke up at about 8 am to breakfast and a packed day. We got on a tour bus and drove to a different part of the island where we stopped at a tea plantation. I hate tea so I wasn't amused by that, but I got some really yummy gelato. I made a new best friend, she's 9 and the daughter of the guy who started the Study in Portugal Network. She was by my side the whole weekend and now I might / hopefully babysit her on the weekends. She had been to the tea plantation before so we just sat and ate our gelato then ran around in the tea field. After that, we went somewhere, idrk probably a lookout spot. Can't really remember, we did so much. But let me just say that this island is absolutely gorgeous, it's so green and filled with cows. The places we stopped were just so breathtaking. I took a ton of pictures. I will be putting them on my flickr and sharing the link with you all, probably sometime tomorrow or Wednesday. On this island, they put their food (meat and vegetables) in a pot in the ground in the morning and it's cooked 5 hours later. Sometimes meat makes my stomach upset, especially dark meat and the stuff they eat, so I was able to get an omelet (again) that was delicious, a lot better than the night before, but I tried some of the vegetables and they were really, really good. Once we finished lunch, we were taken to a naturally heated sulfur pool. The water was orange and so hot! I couldn't stay in long because it was so hot. I laid down for a bit in the grass then we walked around the beautiful gardens there. Everything was so pretty, so many different kinds of beautiful flowers and plants. I think we went back to the hostel after the pool and all fought for the showers because the water stains your skin and we had a fancy orchestra concert at 9:30, but the Portugal soccer game was on at 7 (it was around 6:30 when we got back to the hostel). I didn’t really care about the game and I just wanted to wash my body and get some food before the concert. I went to the mall down the street with a friend of mine and finally got some pizza because I had been craving it all weekend. We met the rest of the group at the place where the concert would be held and it was absolutely beautiful. It was a mansion, but I didn’t really want to be there because my birthday was in 2 hours!!! I mean they played beautifully and all, but the chairs were like hella uncomfortable and hurting the shit out of my skinny little back. Finally, it ended around 10:30ish and we went back to the hostel so some people could change. It was already 11:30 by the time we finally started walking to a bar. I was like freaking out, I didn’t have any alcohol in me yet and my birthday was starting in 30 minutes!! These lame people in the group wanted dinner, but it was 11:40 and I needed to be in a bar. Luckily, my professor took me to a bar and bought me a beer. My friend bought me a shot, I didn’t know what to get, so I just asked for the strongest thing they had. The bartender took like 10 minutes to make this shot, but it was incredible. He lit it on fire at the end and I had to drink it with a straw super fast! It was pretty good, but I still wasn’t drunk. It was 11:55 and I needed another shot, so I’m like yelling at these bartenders like SHOT FAST I HAVE 2 MINUTES. They were just kind of looking at me like this girl is crazy. It was 11:59 and I was freaking out because I needed a shot in my hand to drink when the clock stroke midnight! They poured me a shot of gold stripe or something (the one with gold flakes in it) and then I looked at the clock and it was midnight! Everyone sang happy birthday to me in Portuguese and I downed my shot. About 5 minutes later, I’m like ok I need another shot lol, so my friend bought me the second strongest thing they had which was another extravagant shot that they lit on fire. My boyfriends finally showed up from eating their dinner and wished me happy birthday. The people in the Açores group were being like hella lame and wanted to go to a club, but my friend and I were waiting on our other friend to get back from the bathroom. I wasn’t even being that loud, but these bitches were all like dude you need to be quiet, people are trying to sleep. Mind you, it was not even 1 am and it was my FUCKING 21ST BIRTHDAY like why you all being such party poopers. So they went to the club and I drank my beer and waited with my friend for our other friend. Eventually, he showed up and I broke my beer glass outside on accident and everyone looked at me lol. I was pretty hammered at this point. We walked to the club and since it was only 1, there was barely anyone there and absolutely no one was dancing except for the 5 people that we met there. You get 3 drinks with your entrance payment, but I was so drunk and didn’t even know what to get so I just danced. Eventually around probably 2, more people showed up and the dance floor got crowded. I got myself a rum and coke and danced my little heart out. It was like my own little EDC in Açores. Most everyone but me and 3 guys went back to the hostel around 3. We stayed until like 3:45 because they were like it’s your birthday, we’ll stay however long you want. But I was drunk and tired, so we finally started walking back. You know how when you’re drunk, you are much more vulnerable and your emotions kick in a little more than usual. Yeah well, I ended up drunk crying in the middle of the street at 4am. I was finally letting myself cry and let my emotions out. They got me back to the hostel and we sat in the grass outside in the backyard and this guy just held me and let me sob. It was really what I needed. I finally calmed down, smoked my last cigarette, had a glass of water, and went to bed. I swear I woke up still a little drunk. I wasn’t even hungover so that was awesome. We got on the bus and drove somewhere to look at a pretty lake in the woods. Then, we went on a hike to this beautiful lookout spot and I took so many amazing pictures. By the time we walked back to the bus, some of us were pretty hungry, so we went to a lunch. When we got off the bus for lunch in this little town, there were cows being walked on the road and they were all dressed up because they were going to be slaughtered later. It was really cool, I’d never been that close to a cow lol. Lunch was a buffet, so I was able to eat well. Oh I forgot something, we went to some stinky geysers and I tried natural water that tasted really bad, it was like sparkling water. I spit it out lol. At lunch, they surprised me with a huge piece of chocolate cake and everyone sang to me. It was delicious. We walked around the town a little bit after lunch to let our food digest before we went swimming. We went to a place called Termas da Ferraria where they had a naturally heated pool and then the ocean. I sat in the naturally heated water for a bit, but I had some type of weird rash on my back so the salt water was burning my back like crazy. Then, I went down to the ocean and god the view was so breathtaking. I wish I could have stayed there forever. The ocean water was pretty cool so I barely got in, plus the rocks were really slippery and there were jellyfish. I just took pictures on my camera and GoPro and sat on this rock taking in the beauty of life. I made my first video blog! I’ll decide if I want to share it or not. It was getting kind of late and we had to catch our flight back to Lisbon. I wanted to stay, I was like ok you guys go and I’m just gonna stay here lol. I tried to nap on the bus ride to the airport because my stomach was hurting and when I woke up, we were there so it worked out well. The plane ride was pretty because we caught the sunset when we were landing in Lisbon. I took an uber back to the residence with a couple of friends because it was late and the metro takes forever and I wanted to be drunk one last time before my birthday ended. My friends and I got some pizza and I had a beer with my pizza. I got a nice bottle of wine and some hash, then went back to the residence and watched the MBA finals with the guys. I got really, really sleepy from the wine and pizza though, so I crashed around 2 am. I was so tired when I woke up the next day for work, I did not want to get up. I was like falling asleep while my boss was telling me what to do for the day and she goes, you’re tired today, huh? I’m like yeah haha, so she told me I could leave early like around 3. But I just ended up staying so Sam could give me a ride home. We went back to my room and he gave me a massage because my back was all messed up. We tried to fix my slow computer and it turned out I just really needed to empty my trashcan lol. I wrote for a bit, then watched an episode of Game of Thrones with my boyfriends and got a really yummy burger with them. I got home, put on my PJs, smoked a joint, and went to sleep. I’m still extremely tired and I think I might possibly be getting sick or my allergies are just really bad. I’m going to try to leave work now (at 3) because I need to catch on sleep and kill this sickness before it starts. Plus my boss told me I could leave early yesterday and I didn’t and I finished my work for the day. I’m going to take a nap when I get home, then upload all my photos and hopefully get the link to my flickr out to you guys by tonight or tomorrow. Sorry it took me so long to update and sorry this post is so long lol. I had the most amazing birthday though, it ended up being really relaxing and I wouldn’t have wanted to spend it any other way. Happy 21st to me :)
Here, have a happy photo of me from this weekend while you wait for me to get my shit together :)6/14/2016 Since I know you are going to read this: I am so grateful for you, "Sam". You have been such an amazing friend to me and I've only known you for a week. There are not many people in this world that would so willingly comfort and help someone they have only just met. I know I told you thank you already, but really, thank you so god damn much. I would probably still be a mess if it weren't for you. You picked up the phone and called me as soon as you knew something was wrong and you were upset with me because I didn't call you the night before when I really needed someone. But I'm the kind of person that doesn't like to cry for help or complain about my problems to someone. I'll just let it go because I'm used to depending on myself. This was something that I couldn't just rely on myself for help, I really needed someone to talk to and to cry to and to be held by. I know you can see past my tough front I put on and I'm so glad you can because I never would have come to you asking for help. Thank you for being you, thank you for comforting me, thank you for making me feel safe, thank you for making sure I made the right decision, thank you for listening. I appreciate you more than you know.
And to everyone else reading this silly blog: I swear I will update soon!!! I have a ton of pictures to show you all! I've just been busy and my computer is so slow, it's a time consuming process to try to upload pictures. I will really try to get some up before the weekend though since I'll be going out of town to an island called Azores for my birthday weekend! Much love to you all and just so everyone knows, I am ok, I am alive and healthy and that is all that matters. I used to think it was really easy to tell a guy no, you just say no and they should stop, right? I was wrong. It doesn't matter how many times you say no, they will get what they want. It's even harder to tell a drunk guy no. It's Monday now and all I want to do is crawl up in bed for a few days. It's too bad I don't have any real friends here, I'm on my own. No one to comfort me when I really need it, no one to listen to me. So, I turn to my blog, it makes most sense to me to write about my feelings. Seeing my words written down comforts me more than anyone ever could. Today, I will write in my journal, not here, because this shit is too personal for some of you to read and I want to feel the pencil / pen pressing against the paper. An update on my weekend will come soon, but not now. I need to write on paper and I need to digest recent events.
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Maddie Lang
Dreamer. Adventurer. Wallflower. Lover. Fighter. Kentuckian / Californian. Finding my purpose in the world. Archives
February 2020
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