Sometimes I get caught up on the negative things happening in my life, ignoring the positive things. It's a bad habit, and a hard one to break. I always try to keep a positive mindset and look for the good in a bad situation. There are days when I can't help but smile because of how lucky I am to be where I am in life. It still shocks me to this day (almost 5 years later) that I am living my dreams. I live in California, where I've wanted to live since I was 11 years old and visited for the first time. I'm alive, I am healthy, I am happy, I live in a beautiful apartment with the most loving and beautiful dog in the world in the one of the best cities in the world. I may not have exactly everything I want, but I have a lot. I look around at my surroundings and smile so big because I did it. I made my dreams come true. Now, I'm ready to make even more come true. It doesn't stop at just living in California and graduating college. I'm onto the next step. I don't really know what that is, but I'll figure that out on the way. I'm so happy to be breathing in this beautiful world. I never thought I'd make it this far, I never pictured myself capable of being this happy and loving myself as much as I do. It took me a long time to get here, but I am so damn glad I did. I'm really proud of myself for not giving up when I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. Life threw me a lot of punches, but I always picked myself back up and I will continue to do so. Nothing can stop me. No one can bring me down. I hope I can inspire others to follow their dreams and not give up. Life is too beautiful to give up and I'm reminded of that every day. I'm so grateful that I didn't kill myself that day. Thank you to everyone who has loved me and supported me through my journey. Thank you to all the people that helped me in my darkest times. For now, you get to see me in my brightest times and I think it's only going to up from here. <3
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Have you ever met someone and instantly felt like they were meant to be in your life? This has only happened to me a couple times and when it does, it always throws me off. It's a beautiful feeling really, but also a scary one. It's comforting finding someone you instantly click with, but then terrifying because what happens when something goes wrong and you lose this person that you so badly want in your life, that you have possibly been waiting for for years. Maybe that's part of the beauty though. You got to have your time with them and that's all that really matters. At least you got to meet them and you had the time together that you did. And if they're really meant to be in your life, you will cross paths again at some point in life. Maybe months from then, maybe years. They will always hold a special place in your heart, though. You'll never forget how it felt when you first met them, you'll never forget the memories you shared. If and/or when you're reunited, it will be just as amazing as the first time you met. I think everything happens for a reason and if someone is meant to be in my life, they will be. It doesn't matter if we go months or years without seeing each other, there will always be a connection. I've always been a lover, not a fighter. I love hard and when I say I'll never stop loving you, I mean it. Maybe it's not the same kind of love as it was in the beginning, but there will always be love. I fall in love with a lot of people I meet. Rather they are female or male, young or old, black or white, human or animal. I love meeting people, I love getting to know them, I love listening to them talk, I love hearing their stories, I love watching them. There is so much love to be spread in this world. I'm just trying to help spread it or something. I don't know what I'm doing. This post went in a weird direction.
Once upon a time, I read this quote that went something like "everyone says love hurts, love doesn't hurt. Pain, rejection, lying, cheating hurts". There was more to it. I don't remember it all, but you get the gist. Love doesn't hurt, love is never supposed to hurt. What hurts is being lied to, being cheated on, being rejected, being lonely, etc. Ok, don't worry, I found the quote. "Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt." - Mesa Selimovic Great quote. One of my favorites. I found that in high school when I was like "f*** love". Then I read it and man did it open my eyes. It's so true and so well said. I think a lot of people are afraid to love because they associate it with pain. I know I was for a very long time. Love is such a beautiful feeling though. Falling in love, being in love. Going on first dates, sharing your first kiss with someone you've got a crush on. There is really nothing like it in this world. It's funny that I made this post right before Valentine's Day, I really did not mean for this to be about love. I was just trying to express the feeling of meeting someone that feels like they belong in your life. Which I guess could be associated with love. Well, now it is. MY WRITING IS RUSTY, I'M SORRY. SPREAD THE LOVE. Not only on Valentine's Day, EVERY DAY! Maybe a little more than usual on Valentine's Day, because who doesn't love a little extra love?! (I know I do!) But it's even more special when you show that kind of love on a day that isn't Valentine's Day. Honestly though, if you love someone and I mean really, really love them, make sure you tell them every day because tomorrow is NEVER promised. (RIP Eston "Slim" Graver). <3 Time moves so fast, man. It's actually such an interesting thing. Now that I work a Monday - Friday job, every day goes by sooo slow, but then the week goes by fast. How does that make sense? And the weekend, oh don't even get me started on the weekend. Two days have never gone by more quickly!! It's every weekend too, it's just like boom, weekend, and then oh wait it's over already. I'm mad at myself because I don't think I took enough advantage of my schedule during college. To be able to sleep in, to have days off in the middle of the week because class was cancelled or I was just like "eh, screw class today". To be able to do whatever you wanted to during the day (in between classes, that is). To have A 3 DAY WEEKEND. Omg what I would give to have my three day weekends back!! To have Thursday night, Friday night, and Saturday night to go out. To be able to sleep in on Friday, Saturday, AND Sunday. I got so used to 3 day weekend, it was my normal. This 5 days of work, 2 days of play thing is not fun. I do not approve. I work so hard at my job and for what? To not be paid enough. To be living from paycheck to paycheck. To be struggling to pay my rent every month. They tell you to go to college, they tell you you'll get a higher paying job with a college degree. They forget to mention that you should probably work your ass off in college so that you have experience when you get out. Without experience, your degree is about as useless as (something that's really useless... I've been sitting here for 20 minutes trying to think of a good simile). IT'S ALL LIES. I mean I guess at least I'm making more than minimum wage, but dang, it's rough out here. Rent just keeps increasing in price too. The rich keep getting richer and the poor keep getting poorer. If / when I become rich, I'm going to help the poor as much as I can. Mark my words.
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Maddie Lang
Dreamer. Adventurer. Wallflower. Lover. Fighter. Kentuckian / Californian. Finding my purpose in the world. Archives
February 2020
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