Don't fall in love with people. Fall in love with life. Fall in love with the beauty this world has to offer. Fall in love with music. Fall in love with yourself. People can hurt you, this world never will. I've been feeling a little down lately because I don't have "my person", I'm not in love and no one is in love with me. I keep getting really jealous of the couples I see, almost angry that I don't have that. However, I had a realization - I don't need any of that, I do not need anyone to love me, I do not need anyone to make me feel special or beautiful. I love myself. I've fallen so in love with myself and this life that I've built for myself that it might not even be possible for me to fall in love with someone else (unless it's right person, of course). I know I am beautiful, I don't need a silly boy to tell me that. I know my worth. I have a freaking tattoo that says "love yourself so no one has to". I almost forgot to do that. Sometimes, I just need to take a step back and realize how much happiness I have on my own because I know to never let my happiness depend on something I could lose. It only gets hard when I need someone to be there for me and there isn't anyone. I've always known that I'll only ever have myself, though. It takes a bit of moping around before I get to the point of - what am I doing? I'm fine. Maybe I want love and someone to call mine, but I don't need it and that's important. It'd be nice to have someone to always have ___ with, but I guess technically I can do that myself and I don't necessarily need that. I get a little sad at times because I don't have many friends here, but that's because I cut the negative people out of my life. The people that weren't celebrating my accomplishments with me, yet bashing me for "doing better than them". I am allowed to terminate toxic relationships. I am allowed to walk away from people who hurt me. And I don't owe an explanation to anyone for taking care of myself.
A note to the all the people that ever doubted me, bullied me, talked bad about me when they called me "a friend", hurt me (physically or emotionally), told me I was worthless: You are the people that made me who I am today: strong, independent, smart, kind, wise, and loving. I thank you. I don't wish any bad upon you. I hope you live your life as best as you can. It may be a little hard to do that considering you probably have some insecurities and mental problems for making someone feel the way you made me feel. But, hey we all have our problems. You chose to take yours out on me. We all cope with things in different ways. This is my way - writing. It used to be self-harming myself, but I realized I was better than that. I will never apologize for how I chose to repair what you broke.
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Maddie Lang
Dreamer. Adventurer. Wallflower. Lover. Fighter. Kentuckian / Californian. Finding my purpose in the world. Archives
February 2020
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