All the days kind of became a blur. Instead of it being Saturday, Sunday, or Monday, it became 3 days until I leave, 2 days until I leave, etc. I think it was Saturday, I went to Belém which is just a district of Lisbon. I hadn't been there yet, I mean I'd eaten dinner next to the river there twice, but I hadn't explored the area. So, I took the train, brought my camera, GoPro, journal, and book. I was walking around the park there, taking pictures and enjoying myself when I feel something wet on my arm. A fucking bird shit on me. It was disgusting and got on my overalls, luckily missed my hair somehow. My best friend says it's good luck, but man was it gross. I had to wipe it off with a napkin and I couldn't get it off my overalls. Did you know bird shit is green? Now you do. After that disgusting event, I went to this museum I've been wanting to go to. It's called Museu Coleção Berardo with modern and contemporary art. It was really cool, there were many fascinating pieces in there. Here are a few of my favorites. I can't remember what else I did. I played Pokemon. That was about it. I said bye to my boy which sucked, of course. I don't know when I'll get to see him again, that's the worst part.
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I'm not really a cryer, meaning I don't ever cry much. But I've cried the past 2 nights. Laying in bed crying my eyes out last night and now sitting on the kitchen floor. The worst part is that I'm all alone. I can't eat and I can't sleep. I haven't eaten since lunch which was 12 hours ago. I know I need to eat, but I have no appetite. I'm tired, but I can't turn my mind off. I just want to drink until I can't think anymore.
When my grandma died, my mom called me and told me the news. I kind of knew that it was coming, but I was on my school campus getting ready to go to class. It didn't hit me until I hung up the phone with her. I started crying and it was that type of cry that you can't stop. I had to walk through campus with tears running down my face. By the time I got home I wasn't crying that much, but then I realized that she was gone, forever and I'd never hear her voice again or be greeted by a slap on the back again. So, I started crying again and my sweet baby Zoey (my dog), came over to me and started licking my face, licking the tears away that kept pouring out of my eyes. I wish she were here right now. Today has been filled with many emotions. I realized I leave Lisbon in a week (ok 6 days) and my thoughts are all over the place now. Sad because I don't want to leave. Happy because I'm starting somewhere new and beautiful again. Scared because I have to become accustomed to another strange city. Nervous because I'll be alone. Worried because I start school. I just hope I like Murcia as much as I like Lisbon, but I doubt that's possible. I hope I can make friends. I'm really outgoing, but sometimes it's hard for me to make friends because I'm scared to show people the real me. I'm pretty weird and unusual and mostly don't get along with girls, so we'll see how things go. I'm going to miss living by myself. At least I'll have my own room, but I think I have 2 or 3 roommates. Fuck I'm going to start freaking out again like I did before I came here. It's just really overwhelming when you have no idea where you're going and you don't know a single soul there. I'm excited though, I love doing shit like this. I had an awesome day today; I hung out with a new friend and we went to the aqueduct which is somewhere I'd never been nor knew you could even go, so that was cool. The views from up there were amazing. Oh wait, but first we stopped by this garden / park called Jardim da Fundação Calouste Gulbenkian (Garden of the Calouste Gulbenkian Foundation). Calouste Gulbenkian was a British business man, art collector, and philanthropist of American Origin. So, the foundation focuses on fostering knowledge and raising the quality of life of people throughout the fields of art, charity, science, and education (I'm taking all this information from their website https://gulbenkian.pt/en/the-foundation/about-us check it out if you'd like to know more lol). Basically, it's just this beautiful park with a lake and some cool architecture and an amphitheater. I only took two pictures there lol. Ok so after that, we went to the aqueduct! To end the adventure, we went to the most amazing place ever, Lx Factory! There's shops and restaurants and art and it's just a really cool place as you can see below. I went home, took a nap, then went out, bought a new book (!),and played Pokemon at the spot. Ran into one of the guys I met last time I was there, so I sat with him. Now I'm really tired which is good because I'll hopefully be able to fall asleep easily tonight. I have to wake up early tomorrow morning because I get to babysit my favorite 9 year old!!! All is well in the world.
Man, I don't know what to do because I want to express my feelings on this blog, I mean that's the whole reason I made it, but I'm afraid that some of the people reading it will be all up in arms if I truly say how I feel. Then again, this was supposed to be a blog about traveling, so maybe I should use my Tumblr for feelings post. I obviously haven't been traveling much because I've just been hanging out in Lisbon. I kind of wish I had traveled this month, but I'm glad I didn't because I saved money. Yesterday was an exciting day and by exciting, I mean I actually left the house and stayed out of the house for a good 8 hours or so. Some days I don't get out of bed until 3 pm and some days I only leave the house for cigarettes. I just don't have many friends and it's hard to make them in a country where everyone speaks a language you don't know. But yesterday, I had an appointment to get a tattoo at a little shop down the street from where I used to live. The appointment was at 4, so of course I rolled out of bed around 3. The tattoo took almost 2 hours. At first, I was like mm this feels great, but then he got close to my elbow where I had a few scars from my skateboarding accident in October and that part hurt like a bitch. Then my whole arm was beginning to get sore, but I tried to distract myself and eventually it was all done. I love it. I've been wanting this particular tattoo for a while, so I'm really happy I finally have it and I like the place I put it. Here's a pic. After I got my tattoo, I went Pokemon hunting and stopped by to see my boy at work. Then I went to this spot where there's 3 Pokestops all next to each other and people put lures on them all the time. I was hanging out there by myself, listening to music, and catching Pokemon. I downloaded this Pokemon Radar app, so I can find Pokemon easier and it's really useful because if you see a Pokemon you want in the sightings, then you can go catch it! I was walking around with plastic wrap over my tattoo still because it hadn't been long enough to take it off when someone handed me a card. It was a business card for a tattoo and piercing shop haha. Since I want my lip pierced and haven't found a place to get it yet, I asked if they did it and they said yeah only 25 euros! Fucking awesome, ok. They seemed cool and one of them was rolling a joint, so I just sat down with them cause why not (well he was using my lighter) lol. I ended up catching Pokemon with them until like 12:30 at night, but I got hungry and they needed to catch the train. They're going to a different spot tonight to catch Pokemon and they say it's better than the one last night.... hm. I'm not sure where it is though, across the river or something. I'll probably see them again catching Pokemon somewhere. And if not, I'll go get my piercing and maybe another tattoo from them. So I kind of made friends, I don't know any of their names, but hey it's a start. I don't know what I will do tonight, maybe go back to the stop and catch Pokemon, but it's kind of boring going by yourself :(. My boy is hanging out with his family because it's his mom's birthday, so I've been myself for a few nights. I'm bored and it's too hot outside and too sunny for my tattoo. I guess I'll just have to stay in until the sun goes down and it cools off. It was finally not deathly hot outside and now it's back and it's terrible.
I FINALLY updated my Flickr with some of my recent captures, go check it out (if you want), there's some real good ones on there, man, I'm talented. HAHAHA no I'm not, but honestly, I'm getting a lot better and I'm pretty damn proud of myself for following my dreams of becoming a photographer. I still have a long way to go, but at least I can see an improvement in my photos (even since when I first got here).
ALSO, if any Lisbon natives are reading this silly blog and know of some good spots for photography, let me know! AND if any Lisbon photographers are reading this - hit me up, I've been looking for someone to photograph ME for the longest. OH YEAH, if you haven't figured out how to get to my flickr, I'll just give you the link right here: https://www.flickr.com/photos/laddiemang/ (you can also get to it by clicking the two little dots at the top of my blog). Thanks for reading my annoying banter. Until next time, friends (which will probably be soon because I'm obviously bored today). Here's a picture of my pretty face, just in case you missed it :) That's it. That's all I had to say. Thanks for reading.
I've finally got time to sit down and write. I was with my mom for a week and we did a lot of stuff. I had a lot of fun with her, we drank wine every day and I was spoiled with delicious meals and beautiful sights. I'm finally back home in my little studio with my boy. I'm getting sad though because I'm going to have to leave soon and I'm going to miss him so so so much. I only have 15 days left in Lisbon and I'm really going to miss this beautiful city, it's become my home over the past few months. I'm nervous and excited to go to Spain, mostly nervous because I'm taking all my classes in Spanish and let's be real, my Spanish isn't very good. I was in Cascais, a little beach town about 30 km away from Lisbon and I really started to miss Lisbon while being there. When I got back to Lisbon, I felt so much happier walking through the streets here.
Well, anyway, I need some advice right now. I really want to get my lip pierced, but I don't know if it would look good on me. I can't decide what kind of lip piercing I should get like snakebites or a vertical labret? The first one is snakebites and the second is the vertical labret. What do you people think??? Please help meeeee. I'm kinda digging the vertical labret. So my mom arrived with her sister and her best friend. They took a red eye flight so they were a bit tired. We had lunch at their hotel which is super nice. The mirror is a TV and the TV is a mirror lol. The bathtub is huge. It's super modern and they brought them chocolate and fruit to their room. The food was actually good, too. Definitely worthy of 5 stars. There's an indoor pool and an outdoor pool on the roof. I wish me and my boy could stay there, but it's kind of expensive. Within an hour of being with my mom, she noticed my new tattoo haha. She didn't seem too mad, just like wtf. They were tired so they took a nap to get through the rest of the day. I went to the park close by and sat there for about an hour just listening to music and taking in the beauty of life. Then I went home and accidentally fell asleep for about an hour. My mom called me which woke me up, so I got ready to meet up with them for drinks and dinner. We went into Avenida Palace which is one of the nicest hotels in Lisbon. The inside was beautiful and we got drinks in the bar. I got a Cuba Libre (which is just a rum and coke), it was pretty strong though. Then at about 9, we went to dinner. Ordered a bottle of wine and an appetizer. It's nice because when I used to hang out with my mom and her friends, I never felt included in the conversation, I would just kind of sit there and take it all in, but now that I'm older, I was actually included in the conversation. We got a second bottle of wine, ordered three pasta dishes for all of us to share. They were all amazing. A lot of seafood though and I'm not a big fan of seafood, but I do love my pasta. I think I've had pasta 3 nights in a row for dinner. It was almost midnight by the time we finished our meal and paid. I stood up and wow I was kind of drunk. They went back to their hotel (in a taxi, of course) and I walked back home. Fell asleep soon after from being drunk. It's Kate's birthday today and they all went out last night. I woke up this morning and watched all of their snapchat stories and it made me really fucking sad. I hate missing out on shit especially important shit like Kate's 19th birthday. All the snapchats were so cute and they looked so happy. I so wish I could have been there, but I'm in Lisbon. I know I'm super lucky to be in Lisbon, but damn this shit makes me sad. I feel like I've been replaced so much. Like I think about them all the time and how I wish I was with them, but I feel like I'm barely thought about. And sometimes I really need a fucking friend especially here where I'm 3000 miles away from anyone I know. I spend my days alone just doing random things, which don't get me wrong, I love, but damn I just wish people thought about me sometimes and actually were interested in how I'm doing. I'm happy, but you know, I'm really lonely and I have no one to talk to except this stupid blog. And I just want to cry because I'm missing out on important things and everyone is going to continue having fun and not thinking about me. I just feel forgotten. I knew it would happen when I moved, but idk I thought maybe it wouldn't. It seems like I'm always there for everyone and I try to make sure I can be there in their time of need because I know how much it sucks to not have anyone there for you when you need them the most. But then when I need someone, no one is there. Like yeah I'm really far away, but that doesn't change shit. There's phones, facetime, skype, etc. There are plenty of ways to talk to me. Even letters. So many people said they would send me stuff, but I haven't gotten anything. I've gotten one piece of mail since being here for 2 months and it was from my mom on my birthday. I just hate putting in 110% and getting nothing back. And I really hope none of my friends get mad because of this post because I'm just expressing my feelings and that shouldn't make anyone upset. I love all my friends so much and please if any of you are reading this, please please don't be mad at me. You gotta see things from my perspective. And if I've got things completely wrong, then prove me wrong. I know everyone is busy with their own lives, but fuck man I'm lonely, I need a friend to lean on (emotionally, not physically because obviously I'm a little too far away for that). I feel like I should just delete the last half of this blog post, but I won't because it's about time I speak up about how I'm feeling. Sorry if I've offended anyone. Much love to all the people who are still keeping up with this. <3
Yay I moved out of that stupid Doorm place I was living in and into a cute, little studio near the castle. It's really really small, but it's perfect and I love it. The only bad thing is there's no internet, but I just bought a portable hotspot and 30 gb of internet so I can finally blog again!! I've been wanting to write so bad the past few days but didn't want to use all my data on my phone and it's really hard to work weebly on mobile. I'm back in action now though!! I can update my flickr which I've been meaning to do for like a month. I've started to take a new approach on my photography, I whipped out my zoom lens the other day and took pictures of people. It's actually really fun, I love catching people's raw emotions. I'm excited to start a new phase. It will be called "People of Lisbon". Not really, but maybe. I just went to the miradouro by my house (would one even consider this place a house??) and took pictures of all kinds of different people. I got some really good ones and some not so good ones. There was this group of 6 old men sitting on benches talking and that's what made me want to start photographing people. It just seemed like such a picture perfect moment to me. Also, if you don't know what a miradouro is, it's just a Portuguese word for viewpoint. I'm really close to a lot of things, I didn't even realize it until I walked down today, like bam there's the whole city right beneath me! MY MOM IS COMING TOMORROW!!! And my aunt and my second momma who is actually just one of my mom's best friends from college but I call her my second mom because when I moved into college my freshmen year, my mom and her moved me in and it looked like they were my moms. I'm so excited, I can't wait to show them around this beautiful city. I'm waiting on my boy to get home and cook me dinner, he says it will be the best pasta I've ever had, so I'm excited because everyone knows how much I love pasta. It kinda sucks that he has to work all the time because I just sit at home alone all day, but at least now I have internet! And my mom will be here tomorrow so that will change. I finished season 1 of Jane the Virgin and now I'm really bummed because the finale left me with so many questions and season 2 isn't out yet :(((((( I have to wait in suspense, damn writers, they do this shit on purpose. I just looked up stuff about season 2 and OMG SO MANY SPOILERS WHY???? Damn. Fucking internet! Yay my boy is home with food :) I kinda like this one, with the old men out of focus. I didn't mean for it to be like that, but the pole was in my way.
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Maddie Lang
Dreamer. Adventurer. Wallflower. Lover. Fighter. Kentuckian / Californian. Finding my purpose in the world. Archives
February 2020
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