So my mom arrived with her sister and her best friend. They took a red eye flight so they were a bit tired. We had lunch at their hotel which is super nice. The mirror is a TV and the TV is a mirror lol. The bathtub is huge. It's super modern and they brought them chocolate and fruit to their room. The food was actually good, too. Definitely worthy of 5 stars. There's an indoor pool and an outdoor pool on the roof. I wish me and my boy could stay there, but it's kind of expensive. Within an hour of being with my mom, she noticed my new tattoo haha. She didn't seem too mad, just like wtf. They were tired so they took a nap to get through the rest of the day. I went to the park close by and sat there for about an hour just listening to music and taking in the beauty of life. Then I went home and accidentally fell asleep for about an hour. My mom called me which woke me up, so I got ready to meet up with them for drinks and dinner. We went into Avenida Palace which is one of the nicest hotels in Lisbon. The inside was beautiful and we got drinks in the bar. I got a Cuba Libre (which is just a rum and coke), it was pretty strong though. Then at about 9, we went to dinner. Ordered a bottle of wine and an appetizer. It's nice because when I used to hang out with my mom and her friends, I never felt included in the conversation, I would just kind of sit there and take it all in, but now that I'm older, I was actually included in the conversation. We got a second bottle of wine, ordered three pasta dishes for all of us to share. They were all amazing. A lot of seafood though and I'm not a big fan of seafood, but I do love my pasta. I think I've had pasta 3 nights in a row for dinner. It was almost midnight by the time we finished our meal and paid. I stood up and wow I was kind of drunk. They went back to their hotel (in a taxi, of course) and I walked back home. Fell asleep soon after from being drunk. It's Kate's birthday today and they all went out last night. I woke up this morning and watched all of their snapchat stories and it made me really fucking sad. I hate missing out on shit especially important shit like Kate's 19th birthday. All the snapchats were so cute and they looked so happy. I so wish I could have been there, but I'm in Lisbon. I know I'm super lucky to be in Lisbon, but damn this shit makes me sad. I feel like I've been replaced so much. Like I think about them all the time and how I wish I was with them, but I feel like I'm barely thought about. And sometimes I really need a fucking friend especially here where I'm 3000 miles away from anyone I know. I spend my days alone just doing random things, which don't get me wrong, I love, but damn I just wish people thought about me sometimes and actually were interested in how I'm doing. I'm happy, but you know, I'm really lonely and I have no one to talk to except this stupid blog. And I just want to cry because I'm missing out on important things and everyone is going to continue having fun and not thinking about me. I just feel forgotten. I knew it would happen when I moved, but idk I thought maybe it wouldn't. It seems like I'm always there for everyone and I try to make sure I can be there in their time of need because I know how much it sucks to not have anyone there for you when you need them the most. But then when I need someone, no one is there. Like yeah I'm really far away, but that doesn't change shit. There's phones, facetime, skype, etc. There are plenty of ways to talk to me. Even letters. So many people said they would send me stuff, but I haven't gotten anything. I've gotten one piece of mail since being here for 2 months and it was from my mom on my birthday. I just hate putting in 110% and getting nothing back. And I really hope none of my friends get mad because of this post because I'm just expressing my feelings and that shouldn't make anyone upset. I love all my friends so much and please if any of you are reading this, please please don't be mad at me. You gotta see things from my perspective. And if I've got things completely wrong, then prove me wrong. I know everyone is busy with their own lives, but fuck man I'm lonely, I need a friend to lean on (emotionally, not physically because obviously I'm a little too far away for that). I feel like I should just delete the last half of this blog post, but I won't because it's about time I speak up about how I'm feeling. Sorry if I've offended anyone. Much love to all the people who are still keeping up with this. <3
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Maddie Lang
Dreamer. Adventurer. Wallflower. Lover. Fighter. Kentuckian / Californian. Finding my purpose in the world. Archives
February 2020
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