So, as you all know, I am doing an internship at a huge, worldly known company. I paid for this opportunity to work in this company so that I could get the experience of working in a real company and learn things that would help me in my degree and in my future. My supervisor / boss is supposed to assign me work that applies to my line of work and make sure I am getting the most out of this opportunity. However, this hasn't really been the case. Over the past two months, working 9-5 every Monday-Friday, I have barely done anything that pertains to my line of studies / work and it's terrible. My supervisor talks down to me like I'm dumb. She asked me if I knew how to work Word, PowerPoint, Excel, etc. Obviously I know how to fucking use that shit because I'm in college and have been for 3 years and this is the 21st fucking century, if you don't know how to use that shit then maybe you never had a computer, idk, but basically everyone knows how to use it, so I was a bit insulted that she asked me if I knew how to use it. She also asked me if I knew what a fucking press release was. OBVIOUSLY I KNOW THAT. I'M IN COLLEGE, SOME PLACE SHE HAS NEVER BEEN. She went for 3 months and then dropped out. I don't know how the fuck she got this job. I actually think I am smarter than her. I want to come back to Portugal, apply for a job here, get it, then take her fucking spot. Yesterday she asked me to organize their file cabinets. I had a look on my face like are you fucking kidding me? She goes wake up, you're tired, huh? I said no, I'm not. In my head I was saying, fuck you I'm not here to organize your fucking file cabinets. Now she wants me to edit some video when I have absolutely no background in graphics or edits. It's literally like I'm her fucking bitch, she just makes me do whatever she doesn't want to do which is usually just stupid shit that does not help me. It's like oh can you make a PowerPoint, can you edit this, can you put these numbers in an excel sheet, can you register these people for a tradeshow? Bunch of pointless ass shit that does not help me learn at all. Very annoying. But thank god they decided to pay me. If they weren't I would go off on this bitch. Actually I couldn't really do that anyway because I need her recommendation for my resume. I would ask her to write me a recommendation letter, but I doubt she even knows how to do that. She was googling how to write a communication plan. SHE'S THE FUCKING COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR. Then she had me write the communication plan and was sending me the links she found on how to write it and I'm just sitting there like yeah I fucking know how to write a communication plan unlike you. I'm so annoyed, I can't wait to be out of here. Only 2 more days. And the rest of today. I haven't done anything today because I don't know how to edit this video, let alone do I have any editing software on my computer nor do I know how she wants this edited. And however I decide to edit it, she'll say that's not how she wanted it. Luckily, I'm getting a drink with Sam after work and I can vent about her to him. We can call her mean names and talk shit about her. Yayyy. I'm counting down the hours until I'm out of this place for good. I got 2 hours today, 7 tomorrow, and 7 on Friday (maybe less on Friday, I'll probably be late cause I'm totally going out on Thursday lol). Only 16 hours to go, I can do it!!
Also, I just started watching Jane the Virgin and it's like really good. I've been watching it all day, I downloaded Netflix on my phone because I have nothing to do at work and I think if I watched it on the work computer, it would either be blocked or they would totally know I was watching Netflix at work lmao. I'm just binge watching because what else is there to do? My boss came by and was like do you have work? I just said yeah because otherwise she would give me work and I don't want that lol.
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I almost always start by saying this, but man am I bad at updating this or what? But, after this week is over, I'll probably be writing almost every day. I'm finally at the end of my internship!!! This is my last week and I am soooo happy to be leaving this place. I feel like I've been so busy and had no time at all to actually enjoy Lisbon. Whenever I do have free time, I'm so tired, but I'll go out with my friends, so I don't get home until late and then by that time, I don't want to sit down and write. Friday is my last day of my internship, then we have a goodbye dinner that night :((((( I'm gonna miss all my new friends so much. We just keep getting closer and closer as the days go by. It always sucks making friends that don't live near you, but it's also kind of nice because then if I ever want to go to where they live, I have a familiar face. It still really sucks though. I can't believe they're already leaving, it feels like they just got here. Now, I have to go back to hanging out by myself. That's okay though because it means I'll be writing more and taking pictures and maybe video blogging. I'm moving into a little studio near the castle and I'm really excited. My boy is gonna come stay with me there and we'll finally get to spend more time together, but he works from 11-7 every day except Sundays. I might get bored, but my mom is coming to visit for like 9 days so that will be keep me really busy.
Anyway, last weekend was amazing. I thought I had written about it already, but haha I haven't. Friday was super fun, I wore a new outfit I had gotten from H&M and I gotta admit, I looked damn good. I felt really sick though, I had the worst stomach ache of my life like I thought I was gonna die. I went out anyway because I was meeting up with this British girl and it was Friday night so of course I was going out, oh and I looked great lol, no way I was wasting that outfit because of a stomach ache. So this girl and I have a very weird backstory, but I'm not going to tell the details just because privacy and shit. Basically, she's an angel though and so so so nice, we got along great. I met her best mate who was also super nice. We just drank and walked and talked. Around 2:30, my stomach was absolutely killing me again and I was super tired and I just wanted to lay down, so I went home. It was kind of shitty because of course as soon as I got home, my stomach quit hurting, but that's typical lol. I was glad I went home though because I wanted to be well rested for Saturday because me and my boy booked a hotel room for two nights at this 5 star hotel (which totally didn't deserve 5 stars), but it had a pool so I guess it's okay. On Saturday, I woke up around 1ish, I think. Oh gotta mention how darn cute this is. My friend Cristina has been dating this guy for like 2 years and he showed up to our residence on Friday afternoon to surprise visit her!!! Cutest thing ever. So, we all went for a late lunch on Saturday down the street to have coffee and tosta mistas. Then, I packed my stuff for the weekend and went to the hotel. I was really mad because I requested a double bed and they gave us two single beds. I complained and bitched at them, but they said it was just a preference and it wasn't guaranteed because it's based on availability which I think is bullshit because I booked the room 2 weeks ago. I don't think they were taking me very seriously either because I'm young so fuck them. We managed the two twin beds though, it was just hella annoying having a crack down the middle. We smoked lots of joints and got some yummy pasta from the place across the street. We took a bubble bath and watched the movie, Central Intelligence, which was hilarious, highly recommend. He fell asleep during the movie, my little sleepy boy. We woke up on Sunday around noon or so. I was starving, of course, so we walked down the street to Burger King lol. We caught some Pokemon, went back to the hotel, and laid by the pool for a few hours. We got pizza for dinner and just had a super relaxing day. It was a great weekend, very relaxing. I had to go to work on Monday morning though so that sucked. My boss was being a feisty bitch all week too because she was all stressed out. Luckily, I got Friday off and on Thursday she wasn't here because she was on vacation. I accidentally slept in on Thursday so I missed half the day lol. This weekend was pretty awesome, just super tiring. We went to Idanha-a-Nova which is like 30 minutes away from Spain, so that was tight. It was fucking hot though. But they always feed us so well on these trips and give us tons of alcohol. I was a little drunk all weekend. I'll write in more detail about this later when I've got all my pictures on my computer, so I can show you how fascinating it was. Now I'm at work, tired and sore, trying not to fall asleep. SOOOO I'm pretty bad at this whole blog thing, if you couldn't tell. I really need to write more, but I'm a busy bee. Also my computer is a piece of shit and it's now decided to not connect to my phone so it's been hard to get my pictures from my phone to my computer. I also just have so many pictures that I don't even know which ones to post. All of them??? It's kind of an annoying process to upload photos to this page anyway, it's slow and you have to do it in a weird way and I DON'T LIKE IT. Usually, I write from work because that's when I have the most free time lmao, but I'm using a work computer so obviously I don't have my pictures on here, I mean I guess I could put them on a flashdrive or my external hard drive lol, but that's an extra step I don't wanna take. I'm a lazy shit. I'm assuming all of you know that PORTUGAL WON THE EURO CUP!!!!!!!!!! AND I WAS THERE, well not like there there because the game was in France obviously, but I witnessed the celebration and being in a crowd full of fans that went absolutely crazy when we scored and then won! It's really awesome because I got to see them play their last game in Portugal before they went off to France and they won 7-0. Then I got to experience being in the country all throughout the Euro Cup. The streets were filled with celebrating people.
STORY TIME!! On Wednesday last week, Portugal won their game against Wales in the semi-final. I watched half the game with ______ (shit I didn't come up with a name for him yet, I'll just continue to call him my boy) at my place and we were like ok if we're losing we'll just stay here, but if we're winning, we'll go out to where everyone watches the game. We scored, so we ran over to the Praça and it was so crowded, there was no way we were going to get past anybody to see the screen. We noticed a bunch of people had climbed the statue to watch the game, which is like highly illegal, but the cops were watching the game so they didn't give a shit haha. He was like should we climb up there? I'm like fuck yeah we should. There's these tall bars around it, so people don't climb on it lol, but we climbed up them and got to the top. It was so awesome, watching the game from up there. My friends were sending me snapchats from down in the crowd and I'm sending them snapchats back like HA LOOK WHERE I AM!!!! Then we won!! And the cops came and ruined the fun as soon as the game was over lol. So on my way down those bars, I fell into one with my leg and it hurt so bad, I knew it was going to bruise, it was so sore. I will post the pics of it eventually because it was so gnarly and I took a picture of it almost every day so it's really cool to see the transition of it and the changing colors. I love bruises, they're so cool looking. It's Friday today, a week and a half later, and there's still a little bruise there lol. It was like 3 inches away from my crouch too, so I'm super lucky it wasn't my actual crouch because that would hurt like a bitch and I probably wouldn't be able to have sex. It hurt really bad when I shaved though, ok tmi. Anyway, since we won that game, we were now headed to the FINALS!!!!!!! They made the game on a Sunday, those assholes. I already decided no matter if we win or lose, I wasn't going to work the next day haha. (Hopefully my work doesn't find my blog lmao). I don't really know what I did that weekend, I think I just got drunk. Oh wait yeah yeah on Friday, I got to see MARTA!!!! MOMMA MARTA <3333. FINALLY! It was so good to see hear, she's so cute. Then we had a welcome dinner with the whole group at this super fancy place right on the water. It was amazeballs. I gotta upload the pics. Damn I wish I was on my computer because I could, but I'm stuck at stupid work even though my boss is in a meeting and I have nothing to do?? Actually I have something to do, but my boss has the flashdrive with the stuff I need on it, soooo. I'll just edit this post once I get to my computer and include photos :). So yeah we had dinner then me and friends went to the bars. We got kinda drunk off wine at the dinner then we made the executive decision to buy 40 shots for 9 euros HAHA. Me and Lars (my girlfriend, Lars is her nickname) were sneaking shots the whole time, like everyone else probably had 5, but we had like 10. She's awesome and super fun and funny. I'm gonna fucking miss her dammit. The shots weren't real shots either, it was like 75% juice and 25% alcohol haha. I don't really know what happened the rest of the night, we probably went to Music Box (this club) and fucked shit up. On Saturday, I have no recollection of what happened right now.... maybe we went to the mall? No we went to the mall during the week. OH they went to the farm for their class and I stayed at home with my friend Cristina who is also super awesome. We went to the mall! AND I RAN INTO MY BOSS! We were at the rich people mall and of course this bitch had 2 huge shopping bags with her. I'm not giving my girl friends fake names cause like it's not like anybody knows them anyway and nothing bad is being said, just that we been drankin. We got Starbucks at the mall like the basic Americans we are and it wasn't the same :( and they didn't accept gift cards. Lame. Then we took the metro back towards home and Cristina wants to get a tattoo so we stopped by my boy's tattoo shop he works at and he showed her some fonts and I think she's gonna get it next weekend. We waited for him to get off then we went back to the dorm and I think me and him stayed in, yeah we did. We watched The Nice Guys and smoked joints in bed. And dudes if you haven't seen The Nice Guys, go fucking watch it, like right this second, stop reading this stupid post and go watch it!!!! It's so funny. He ended up having to leave in the middle of the night because his grandpa was rushed to the hospital :( but he's ok! On Sunday, I got some coffee with Cristina and Lars and then we got ready for the game, went out to dinner at this really cool and cheap place like everything was 1 euro. The game started at 8 but we wanted to get a good spot, so we went there around 7 and they played music before to get us hyped. Then we watched the game and it was so crowded but fun. We were sipping wine and chilling. It was the 2nd half and we still hadn't scored. I was so stressed out, actually we were all stressed out. Then we went into overtime, still no score. Went to penalty kicks as I assumed it would and WE FUCKING SCORED!! Everyone went so crazy when we finally scored, it was so damn amazing, we were all jumping up and down and yelling and hugging each other and crying tears of joy. There was still about 15 minutes left of the game though, but France didn't end up scoring. WE WON WE WON OUR FIRST NATIONAL TITLE WE BEAT FRANCE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 10 GAMES!!! It was such a big deal for Portugal, like I'm so proud of them. They had fireworks and music and everyone was celebrating. We watched them get the Euro Cup on the TV and they played We Are The Champions! Loved it. Loved every second. ONE OF MY SNAPCHATS GOT ON THE LIVE STORY!!!!!!!! AND I'M SCREAMING YEEEAAAH IN IT LIKE 1 MILLION SOMETHING PEOPLE SAW THAT SHIT! It was the 2nd to last one on the story and it said "the Euro Cup is ours"! I've submitted to soooo many live stories and never got on them so that was fucking raaaad. We went back home to drink a little before going out to the bars. Then we went out and everyone was out, celebrating and drinking and all the cars were honking. We made a new friend, this absolutely fucking hilarious girl named Mica from the Netherlands. Dude I've never met someone so funny and so weird. Like this girl was awesome. All the bars closed and they were too drunk to go to the clubs so my boy and his friends took us to a park. OH HOW COULD I FORGET, I ALMOST GOT IN A FIGHT! Some bitch like pushed me and Lucy out of the way on the street so I'm like damn this bitch just shoved us and she turns around and is like what'd you call me? I'm like a bitch, bitch. She fucking shoved me in the tit and it hurt so bad cause it was right on my piercing!!! Then she walked away and I was like fuck you, she turns back around and is like what'd you say? I'm like I SAID FUCK YOU BITCH CAN YOU NOT HEAR?? She shoved me again IN THE TIT! So I shoved her back and we were about to get into it but her stupid boyfriend came and took her away haha. All the while, my boy and his friends are inside a store getting drinks lmao. Then some creepy guys tried to hit us so we were like alright we need to find them haha. Anyway, we went to this park and just ran around and acted like weirdos at like 3 am. We smoked joints and caught Pokemon and tried to climb some trees. Eventually we made our way back home and went to sleep at like 4:30 haha. I could not go to work the next day, I told them I had food poisoning lmao even though I'm pretty sure they know that was a damn lie. Yup so I always end up not meaning to write a lot, but then I end up with these long ass posts. I just have a lot to say I guess and it's because I never update enough. I'm gonna go get a coca-cola and poke a smigeratte. I've been falling asleep at work all week. HA OH FUNNY SHORT STORY: I totally fell asleep at work on Wednesday like mouth wide open and slouched over in my chair and then someone slaps me in the face and I'm like oh shit (I think I was only asleep for a few minutes) but I look up and it's fucking Sam!!!! I thought I was dreaming lmao because I was like wtf are you doing here!! (It's really weird calling him Sam, because that's not actually his name haha). Damn privacy. Ok I'm really thirsty, bye. Alright, I'm gonna get a little personal on you all. Considering there are people reading this that know nothing about me or my past, I'm going to tell you all a little story.
I'll just start from the beginning. One of my first memories of being a child: I'm sitting at the dinner table in the kitchen with my mom and sister, I'm 4 years old, just had a birthday. I have my tiny legs squeezed through the bars in the chair, so I can sit in it backwards and watch what is happening behind me. What I see is my dad continuously bringing suitcases out of my parents room and putting them in his car. I'm confused. I ask my mom, "Where's daddy going?" and she responds, "He's just going on vacation, sweetie". Me being the observant child I was, notices how many things he's bringing with him, I ask, "For how long?" and mom says, "A while". That was all I was getting from her. I hugged my dad goodbye and watched him walk out of our kitchen for the last time. I didn't know it would be the last time he walked out that door, but I soon realized it was. About 2 weeks pass, my mom takes my sister and I out in the middle of nowhere to a trailer park where we visit our dad, living with a friend, in a dirty trailer. That's when we realized he wouldn't be coming back home. My mom took us to those stupid divorce counseling sessions where they try to help you understand what is happening, but those places are bullshit. Eventually, my dad moved to Lexington (a city 2 hours away from where we lived) because he couldn't bear being in the same city as my mom; he still loved her. That's how it all began, my mom would drive us half way to Lexington every other weekend and we'd meet my dad at this run down gas station in the middle of nowhere off the highway. He lived with his brother for the first 5 or so years after the divorce. Christmas changed; Santa came to my mom's house on Christmas Eve morning and my dad's house on Christmas Day morning. I thought we were special because Santa came a day early just for us. Apparently, my mom called him and told him the details. (I didn't find out Santa wasn't real until I was 10, actually on my 10th birthday while my mom was driving us to meet my dad). About a year after my parents divorced, my mom wanted to sell our house because it was too big for just the 3 of us. The guy who bought it ended up asking my mom on a date and they've been dating ever since (like 16 years or some shit). He still lives in that house and now my mom does, too. She didn't move until after I left for college, thank god because I protested that shit so much. I hated going there, it was so weird, being in the house where I once lived with my mom and dad. It made me feel uncomfortable. I'm kind of over it at this point, but it's still weird. My mom moved what was left of my stuff to my old room that I had when I was a kid. Luckily, I only have to stay there once or twice a year. Ok, so that's the back story; my parents are divorced, my dad lived 2 hours away, and my sister and I would visit him every other weekend. So, as you can imagine, this set up caused many problems once my sister and I became teenagers. All of a sudden, there were school dances, cheer-leading competitions (yes I was a cheerleader lol), parties, football games, etc. We were teenagers, we wanted to hang out with our friends on the weekend. It would have been a lot different if our dad didn't live two hours away where we had no friends, but he did and we tried to convince him to move back to Louisville, but he said he couldn't because "his family lived in Lexington". Like seriously, what kind of bullshit is that? I'm pretty sure your 2 daughters are more important than your brother and sister. Oh and he would always get so mad because we never asked him to help us with homework or sign our report cards or come to school shit. But like dude you chose to live 2 hours away from us because of your "family". We would invite him to school shit, but he would never show up because it was too far. When my sister started to drive, it got even worse because it was up to us on when we wanted to go see him. It sucked being in middle school or high school and saying you couldn't go to this epic party that everyone was going to because it was your "dad's weekend". Eventually, we barely went there because we were both in high school and we had social lives on the weekend. He told us to just call him whenever we wanted to come over, so we would about once a month, but he'd have something going on that weekend that we couldn't be there for. It got to the point where we stopped calling because he was always busy. We stopped talking for about 4 months, I was 15, a sophomore in high school, going through a real rough time. He never called because he wanted us to call him but like what teenager do you know actually sits down and goes oh yeah I'm gonna call my dad, like that's the parents responsibility. It was April, we hadn't seen or heard from him since Christmas. I started cutting myself and burning myself. One of my best friends noticed and told my mom. My mom freaked out, of course and tried to submit me to a mental hospital, but I was like ah hell nah, so she just got me a counselor (who was a fucking Christian counselor and always tried to end the meetings with a prayer no matter how many times I told him I wasn't religious!!). Like a good mother, she called my dad and told him what I was going through. Oh side note: my sister was a senior in high school, so she was about to go to college and my dad was furious with her because she wanted to go to school in Alabama instead of Kentucky. He had this theory that he would buy us a house by the campus in Lexington and we'd all live together while we were in college?? So, they weren't on speaking terms at the moment. After my mom called my dad, he called me (finally) and of course was like why didn't you call? Like oh maybe cause I'm a high schooler that barely even wants to talk to my mom, like I'm an angsty teenager dude. He wanted to see me, so I begged my sister to go with me and at the time, he was living with my uncle again. We drove up there on Friday after school. My sister wouldn't talk to him, but he kept trying. They ended up fighting on our way to dinner that night and I had to play the parent. He takes us to dinner and halfway through, he's like "oh you see that hotel over there? That's where you were conceived, Maddie". COOOOLLL DAD. Did not need to know that, why would you tell me that?? He's very inappropriate, he's always talking about how he still loves my mom so much and how he hooks up with all these girls and it's just weird. My sister and him barely spoke the whole weekend, she was just being a bitch to him because he had been an asshole to her about the whole college thing and he would still ask her are you sure you want to go to school in Alabama, not Kentucky and it would make her furious. On Sunday before we were about to go home, my dad sat me down and looked at the burns on my arm and asked why I did it and blah blah told me not to do it again. Then we left and the last thing my sister said to him was I hate you and the last thing I said to him was I love you. A few months later in July, my mom and sister both went out of town, so my mom sent me to my dads for the week. I have to mention that this was a week before the last Harry Potter movie came out in theaters and I had already bought a ticket for the midnight movie premiere with a bunch of my friends and I was also reading all the books. I told my dad this in the beginning, so he would know that I needed to leave a day or two early and he'd have to drive me all the way back to Louisville. Also, I need to mention that my dad is a construction worker and at this time, he lived in a really dirty, run down house in a bad neighborhood of Lexington. He never had internet at any of the places he lived and usually not cable either, just like the basic channels. So, he would go to work from 6 am to 6-7 pm and sometimes he'd come home for lunch to make sure I ate. Basically, I was alone all day and I couldn't go anywhere because the neighborhood was sketch and I was a 15 year old girl (actually I'd just turned 16 but couldn't drive by myself yet nor did I have a car). So, you can imagine how fucking bored I was. The night before I was leaving to go back home, I was up late reading Harry Potter because I needed to finish before the movie premiere the next day, and I heard my dogs (he bought us 2 yellow labs a few years back) open his door to go lay down in there. I guess they were being too loud for his liking, so he screamed at them and kicked them out of his room and slammed the door on them. They started to cry from this, so he got back up and yelled at them some more, let them outside, then weirdly started putting dishes away, but he was like slamming the dishes like angrily putting them away. I was scared, so I locked my door and turned out my light. He let the dogs back in, stopped being weird with the dishes, yelled at them some more, then went back to bed. Also, I must mention that when they were puppies, he threw them down a set of stairs because they drank from another dogs water bowl. I'm rereading this and I can't believe I forgot to mention this, my dad is an alcoholic, he drinks all the time. When I was little, he would drink and drive with me in the car like that is so beyond fucked up. Anyway, the next morning he's driving me home and he's like so I guess you heard me last night and I'm like yuuup. Then he starts going on about how much he still loves my mother, but he hates her at the same time and it just really upsets him. I'm like dude it's been like over 10 years and why the hell are you talking to your daughter about this?? (I didn't say that, but I was thinking it). What I actually said was, have you ever thought about talking to someone about this and getting professional help? HE GOT SO MAD. He didn't speak to me the rest of the way home. Then I told him the wrong exit to get off, so he got even more mad. When he finally dropped me off, I was like thanks Dad, love you. HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING, he just looked at me with a disappointing look and drove away. A month later, he pulls a muscle in his shoulder or something and guess who he fucking calls? MY SISTER. If you remember, the last words my sister said to him were I hate you. He called her and asked her if she could come over to his house and help take care of him. She was like a week away from moving to Alabama for school, also. So, she's like wtf no. And I'm sitting there like WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T HE CALL ME??? That was a low blow. He never called me. Christmas rolls around and my mom forces my sister and I to go to Lexington to see him even though we really didn't want to. I hadn't talked to him since July and my sister hadn't talked to him since August when he called her. So, you can imagine how awkward this shit was about to be. Also, I was a junior in high school, so I had been looking at schools and I knew ever since I was 11 years old that I wanted to go to school in California. I think this came up while we were eating dinner. That's when shit hit the fan. My sister and I wanted to leave because it was getting late and he was being mean. He walks us outside, we're standing in the driveway and he starts yelling at us, asking why we didn't call, why we never drove to Lexington to see him, why we won't go to school in Lexington. The next words that came out of his mouth will forever be burned into my mind. "You're not my daughters anymore". I will never forget that moment. He said it with such hatred and disgust. My sister and I got in the car both with tears running down our faces. We were so hurt, so heartbroken, so lost. The reason why I'm telling you this is because when I tell people why I don't speak to my dad, I usually say it's because he told me I wasn't his daughter anymore and the usual response I get from people is "why would he say that? What did you do??". So, this is why, I didn't do anything besides follow my dreams. He is a selfish, mean man. The last time I saw him after that was when he unexpectedly showed up to my high school graduation a year and a half later. I was walking down the aisle where all the parents stand to take pictures and I hear "Maddie Jo!", my stomach dropped because I immediately knew it was him, he's the only one that still called me Maddie Jo, no matter how many times I told him not to. He snapped a picture of me and I probably looked terrified. He found me afterwards and he had brought some random new "girlfriend" like why tf would you bring her to my graduation? Oh nice to meet your current fuck buddy, Dad. He acts like everything is completely normal like nothing ever happened and asks me if I want to take a cross country road trip with him so he can move me into my dorm..... I'm like oh sorry I already booked my plane ticket... like wtf there's no way in hell I'd want to do that even if we were on good terms. That's the last time I saw him. I see his brother every now and then and he says they no longer speak because he's mad at him for how he treated my sister and I. He says he's kind of become a loner, lives out on a farm, and never comes out. There's a lot more to the situation between my dad and I, like how I was always the least favorite, he emotionally abused me all the time. And how he drove all the way to Alabama to my sister's dorm to leave her a care package. And how my sister wrote him a letter to apologize and he was a complete asshole in the letter back. He's never tried to contact me. I changed my phone number, but he could get it from my mom. I hate Father's Day. I hate it so much. I always call my mom and thank her because she was more of a dad than my own. I also thank her fiancee because I'm lucky I had him. Also, this year my birthday was on Father's Day, so it really pissed me off because every email I got was about father's day, but it was my damn 21st birthday!!! It's so weird to think that my dad has no idea who I am anymore, he barely did before, but like now he knows nothing, he doesn't know what I've accomplished or that I'm studying abroad right now and living in Europe for the next 7 months. He stole $10,000 from me. It was my college account he set up for me when I was a baby and I would put money in it once a year. I had about $10,000. He fucking stole it. He doesn't pay for any of my school. He has never supported me. He has never been there for me. Sometimes, I think I might regret not picking up the phone and calling him because he's going to die someday and I might feel guilty leaving things on such a bad note, but I know if I picked up the phone and called him right now, he would blame me for everything. I would end up apologizing to him. I know this because it's happened once before. I don't really know why I just shared this with you all, but I think it gives you a good look into the relationship I've had with my dad and a lot of people know it's shitty, but they don't know why. So that's it. I've been through a lot of bad shit in my life, but I look past it and live in the moment. I'm a really positive person. I barely ever complain, I always try to look at the positive in a bad situation. I think everyone should live life the way I do. So many people are so caught up on the negativity now a days. They complain about the stupidest shit all the time, but then they never do anything to fix it. If something is bothering you, fucking change it. If you don't like where you are in life right now, change! A positive mindset will give you a positive life. A negative mindset will give you a negative life. That's just the way it works. If you believe everything is shit and it all sucks and you want to die, then yeah shit's gonna suck. But if you tell yourself that things will get better, they will. It's not going to happen over night, but it will, it just takes time. Patience is key. Everyone is so caught up with what others think about them, too. WHO CARES?? People will judge you no matter what the fuck you are doing, so you might as well just do what you want!! If you do everything with confidence, no one will question you. Live your life to the fullest. Don't let anyone make you feel less than you are. You're worth so much more than what these people make you out to be. I've been treated like absolute shit by multiple people, but I know I'm better than that, so I let it go. The past is the past, so why let it haunt you? This world is so god damn beautiful. There is so much more out there than these shitty people that make you feel bad. You are beautiful. You are loved. You are going to show all these people that doubted you how wrong they were. You just gotta be patient and you have to view your life with kind sight. Stop beating yourself up about things from your past. Your past mistakes are meant to guide you, not define you. I wanted to kill myself once upon a time, but you know what saved my life? NATURE. Look around you, look at how the trees sway in the wind, look at the beautiful flowers that come out of the ground, look at the all the beauty this world has created for us to enjoy. Why would you ever want to leave it? Yes, there is a lot of pain, but there is also so much beauty. Whenever I feel sad, I step outside, breathe in the fresh air and look around at the beautiful nature surrounding me and I feel better. I could never leave this. I have so much more to see, too. Please, please if any of you are ever feeling down and want to hurt yourself, please reach out to me. I will always be here for you. Even if you don't know me, I will help you. I have most likely felt exactly how you are feeling and I can help you, if you want. I love to listen and I love hearing people's stories and I love it when people come to me in their time of need. I will try my best to help you. This world is an ugly place, but you are all so beautiful to me. You are strong, you can get through whatever is bringing you down. It just takes time, loves. If you've managed to continue reading this far, I appreciate you and I thank you for reading my nonsense blabber. I've been so bad lately, I'm sorry you guys. Really slacking on updates. Although, to be fair, nothing exciting happens during the week usually because I just go to work and that's about it. I don't even know where to start, I guess I'll just kinda summarize, but I don't know where I left off. Work is work, last week I got to do stuff that pertained more to real work instead of just bitch work. My boss was sick and not at work from Monday-Wednesday so that was pretty rad, but my colleague gave me a bunch of work to do. It was good work, I kind of enjoyed it. Let's see, on Wednesday night we had a goodbye dinner for the students that left after the month of June (there was only 4 that left). I got to see Mia which is always a pleasant surprise. I was really bummed though because it was my good friend's last day so I went out with him, but I was like hella tired and had work the next morning. I think I stayed out until around 2 am. Thursday was Sam's last day at work so instead of eating nasty canteen food, we surprised him and took him out to lunch. I ate the biggest, most delicious steak I've ever had. Like mmmm look at the thing. I ate it all, every bite. Then I had a stomach ache for the rest of the day lmao. Oh I left work early on Thursday to go to the beach with my home girl. We got some pineapples and took some cute pineapple pics lol. Wait no that was on Wednesday, I think. Yeah, yeah it was. Idk what I did after work on Thursday then. Slept? Friday... what tf did I do on Friday? I got to go home from work an hour early because my boss didn't have anything for me to do. Oh I hung out with my friend that just got into Lisbon, I met him when we were in the Açores and we went to dinner with a new girl (by new girl, I mean we got like 25+ more students for the July session in our program). There's some cool ones and there's some not so cool ones, ya know how that goes. After dinner, I think I went out. Yeah I did. With my new girl friend! She's super cool. We smoked together and laughed together and all that good stuff. Saturday, me and my new friends (people that just joined the program) went exploring around the town. We went to this beautiful park I'd never been to, I really wanted to go last time I was here but I never got the time. These pics don't even do it justice. I gotta put the ones from my GoPro up and the video I took swimming in the fountain. Ok I wasn't swimming but I was walking through the water lol. It was hot as hell. AND THEN I HAD THE MOST AMAZING NIGHT OF MY LIFE. I stayed in a hotel room with my boy and we smoked joints, ordered room service, talked, cuddled, laughed, smoked a joint in a bubble bath, took a shower in the amazing showers with the cool shower heads that like rain down on you. It was magnificent. We're gonna start going to hotels, it's like little romantic getaways. I'm not going to say his name for privacy reasons and shit, but lemme give you a bit of a back story. I met this guy in January, he was my tattoo artist. I thought he was super hot and he was tattooing my thigh so he basically had my ass in front of his face the whole time. After I got the tattoo, I left but I told him I was trying to come back and that I'd come back and see him and he'd touch up my tattoo and blah blah. After I left the shop, he emailed me the pics of my tattoo and was like you're super cute by the way and I was like omg no way you're super cute. Lol this sounds so stupid, but it's just the way I'm writing it. But, he had a girlfriend at the time and I was leaving the next day lol. So when I found out I got the internship here, I messaged him and told him I'd be back and he was like oh yeah you should come in and I'll darken up the lines on your tattoo. So 4-5 months later, I go into the shop (like last week) and he does my shit then I got another tattoo on my other leg. I asked him if he had plans after work and he said just getting wasted so I was like let me buy you a beer. Long story short, he's single now and we ended up hanging out like all night. And that's how Saturday happened lol, it wasn't just some random dude. It's his birthday right now so I took him out to dinner last night and then took him out to drink with people from the residence. It was so much fun, but we ended up staying up way too late. It was worth it though. I fell asleep like 7 times at work today lol. I really like this guy, I gotta come up with a fake name for him like I do everyone else. He really likes me too!! We have a lot of fun together but we're already dreading having to leave each other. I'm trying to live in Portugal after I graduate though (and no, not because of him, I decided this before that but definitely he's part of the reason). I just really love this place like I feel like I belong here. I talked to my boss today about maybe coming back and getting a job there and she was so excited. Things are looking up. Life is beautiful. I'm happy. My mom is coming to visit in a month with my aunt and my mom's best friend who I love so that's super exciting. I don't wanna leave Portugal lol, why am I studying Spanish? I need to study Portuguese instead. But once I'm fluent in Spanish, it will be a lot easier to learn Portuguese. This was a really long post, but I had a lot to say. Oh also I'm so happy I missed out on 4th of July this year. It's like my least favorite holiday because I low key hate America and I dread the day every fucking year. I hate wearing patriotic shit like it's so annoying. I wanna be a citizen of Portugal but the only way to do that is to have a family member that lives here or get married lol. Dual citizenship would be so rad though, man. I'm kind of just typing still because I don't know what else to do. I could eat dinner but I ate too many Pringles earlier soooo. I could upload some pics to my flickr but ugh that takes too much effort. OH I'M SO MAD !!!! Netflix is a douchebag and decided to start blocking proxies and VPNs which is where you can trick the website into thinking you're in another country. SO I'm stuck with Portuguese Netflix now and it sucks, it barely has anything. I'm pissed. Fuck you Netflix. I should get rid of Netflix for now, it's not like I have money for it anyway. -___- Ok bye. I'm not gonna promise to update soon or something like that because last time I did that, I failed lol. So, until next time people that are still reading this long ass post. Oh it's not that long. Actually maybe it is. Who the fuck cares, this is my blog and it's awesome. I need to write more because there's some weird people out there that actually enjoy reading what I write and find it funny. Thank you people. You inspire me to continue this silly little blog. I think it's pretty dumb and boring, but people like it. Oh and I mean weird in a good way, like almost always. Weird is great. Normal is boring. Normal people scare me. I said bye like 5 sentences ago and here I am still typing away............ ok for real this time, I've run out of things to say... or have I?
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Maddie Lang
Dreamer. Adventurer. Wallflower. Lover. Fighter. Kentuckian / Californian. Finding my purpose in the world. Archives
February 2020
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