I just need to rant a little bit. I’m like really stressed out / scared / nervous / worried about how terrible it’s going to be when I finally get back to America. My world is going to be completely flipped upside down. I am going to experience the worst culture shock ever and probably just go into a deep depression because I’m back in America. I love California a lot, of course, but Europe is just so much more amazing. I’m already nervous about leaving Lisbon / Portugal because I’m in love with this place and I’ve made friends here and I know my way around and ugh it’s just going to be so hard to leave and start over in some place new again. I love how cheap everything is here and how patriotic the people are and how welcoming and nice they are to me. I have a feeling that the city in Spain where I’ll be studying is very similar, but I just know it won’t be the same. Lisbon feels like home. I’m being dramatic, Murcia could end up feeling like home too lol. I am going to be there for much longer and I’ll actually be able to speak with the people there instead of being confused by Portuguese all the time. I won’t want to leave just like I don’t want to leave Portugal. It’s so difficult finding friends and starting over. I just had to do that and now in 2 months, I have to do it all over again like shiiiit. The worst part is leaving, you make all these friends and then after however many months, you just leave. Like yeah you stay in touch, but it’s just not the same because you don’t get to see them every day and stuff. I’m going to fly back to America and be so lost. Everyone will be able to understand me again and I won’t have to speak in Spanish. And the worst part is everything is going to be so expensive. Actually, the worst part is that when I arrive, I will not have a home to go to. All of my things are packed in my car right now in Orange County. I won’t be able to just go home and sleep my jet lag off for a couple of days. I’ll have to find somewhere to live with some random people and move in as soon as possible because school will have already started. The only positive thing about going back is that I will be reunited with my baby dog. But it will be even harder to find a place to live because most people don’t allow dogs to live in their rentals or most people don’t want a big, hairy dog running around their house. And the fact that I will be living with complete strangers stresses me out so much. I hate having roommates, especially ones I don’t know. Maybe I’ll just try to find a place where I can live alone or with like one other person that is barely there. I’ll probably just sleep in my car or camp in a tent with Zoey somewhere for the first few days. I guess I can always crash with my friends for a couple of days until I get my shit figured out, but then I’ll have to move during the school week and continue living out of a suitcase which is extremely annoying. I wish I could just ship Zoey to Europe and stay in Spain or Portugal forever. I’m not even close to having to worry about this stuff yet, but of course I am lol. Anyway, that’s the end of my rant. Thank you to those of you who actually read this.
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Maddie Lang
Dreamer. Adventurer. Wallflower. Lover. Fighter. Kentuckian / Californian. Finding my purpose in the world. Archives
February 2020
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