Do you ever just get really sad and cry for like no reason at all? Maybe it's because I haven't cried in a couple of months and I'm prone to bottling up my emotions for a really long time, so every now and then they just spill out? I don't really have anything to be sad about like there's nothing that triggered this, it's just kind of a general sadness. Like I really really miss my dog and I hate not being with her and I just wish I could cuddle with her and walk her and have her lick my face until it's soaking wet with her slobber. Maybe it's because I keep dreaming about being back home and I have a lot of dreams of being with Zoey, so it's always super disappointing when I wake up and realize I still have 2 more months before I can see her. I also really miss my grandma and I have these terrible dreams where she's still alive and it fucking sucks because then I wake up and remember she's not here and she never will be again. Like fuck why does my brain do this to me? I have dreams with her in them at least once a week. I just wish I could call her and tell her I love her one last time. She was so sick at the end that I never got the chance. It's been 7 months since she passed, but shit it still hurts.
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Maddie Lang
Dreamer. Adventurer. Wallflower. Lover. Fighter. Kentuckian / Californian. Finding my purpose in the world. Archives
February 2020
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