After a long eight months of being away from my friends and the people I love, I am both happy and sad to say I am finally coming home. It's been quite the adventure and I can't say I would trade it for anything in the world. Though there comes a time when all you want is to go home to a place you know where your loving friends and dog are. I've been so lucky to have this wonderful experience and I'm so grateful for all the friends I've made while being away and even more grateful for the friends that stayed in touch with me while I was gone. I've been on my own for the past eight months and after a while, it's easy to fell completely alone. I have loved and I have lost many people during this journey. The hardest part is meeting someone you feel like belongs in your life just to have to say goodbye again after only a few hours, days, weeks, or months together. That's been the hardest part of it all. Saying goodbye and not knowing when or if you will ever see each other again. I've cherished every single person I've met and every insignificant moment I shared with them. This endless process of connecting with people and then losing them leaves me with a sense of loneliness and sadness. It never gets easier, even when you prepare yourself for it. I've learned a lot about myself and others during my time away. Not everyone you meet is going to be the great person you hope they will be. Some people will take advantage of you, maybe just because you're from a different country. Some people will be overly excited by you, just because you speak a different language or look a different way. Some people will ignore you just because you don't speak the same language as them. Sometimes you'll meet a person that you feel like you've been meaning to meet your whole life. Like your paths crossed for a reason and you won't want to let this person go. It will be the easiest hello and the hardest goodbye. Your heart will ache. But you won't cry because it's over, you'll smile because it happened at all. I'm not sure that I'll necessarily miss Spain, but I will definitely miss the people I spent my time with while I was there. A lot of people have been asking me if I will move back one day and right now, I don't know. I'm ready to stay in California for a while. I need some consistency in my life after so much change. Which is a strange thing for me to say because I am the most fickle person I know. I crave change every few months. So who knows, maybe after I finish school, I'll want to leave again. But right now, I need to be in California. I need to be with my dog and my friends. I wish I could gather up everyone I've ever met / loved in my life and bring them all together to one place. Like a small little community of all my favorite people in my favorite place. Maybe some day when I'm rich.
To those of you who have followed my blog since the day I left, wow thank you. I honestly made this blog for myself, so that I can look back at it one day and remember all my great memories. So to know that people actually took time out of their day to read the silly things I write makes me really happy. I guess this was one way to stay connected with me without actually putting in any effort. I can honestly say I am a bit disappointed that no one wrote me, sent me a piece of mail, anything. I barely facetimed anyone despite them saying they would facetime me. It is really hard with the time difference but I'm a night owl. I remember some people being like yeah dude I'm gonna send you something!! So I'd check my mailbox always hoping I'd find something addressed to me and I never did. (Well, my mom sent me a birthday card on my birthday when I first moved, but that's the only thing I ever got). It's not that big of a deal, but I took time out of my life to sit down and write out a postcard and send it. I always tell myself not to expect too much from people and I don't, but I thought I'd get at least like one thing in the mail. There are also some "friends" that I haven't even talked to since I've been gone. I'm just popping up 8 months later like hey what's up, yeah I've been living in Europe for 8 months. Anyway. I'm sitting in the airport in Newark just waiting for my next flight to San Diego which is some tedious shit, wish I could just teleport there. Luckily, I slept through almost the whole 8 hour flight to Newark and I had 2 seats to myself. An hour and a half till my flight leaves, 6 hours until I land in San Diego, which means still about 8 hours until I can see my doggy... UGH!!!! THE WAIT HAS BEEN SO LONG.
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Maddie Lang
Dreamer. Adventurer. Wallflower. Lover. Fighter. Kentuckian / Californian. Finding my purpose in the world. Archives
February 2020
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